Ten Things I Hate about Christmas
This is probably going to make me sound like a real Grinch, but it's that time of year again, so I thought it would be a good time to get a few things off my chest! Maybe I should consider it therapy to prepare myself for the Imminent Yuletide Tsunami? But anyway I'm old enough to be a Grumpy Old man, so I can say what I like.
I suspect that most of you out there have a few Christmas peeves....and if you don't then you are one of those intolerably cheerful people who probably belong on the list!.
So here goes...by the way this list is not exhaustive, and if you feel I have left anything important off please feel free to contact me and I will consider amending it.
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Brussel Sprouts: No argument here. I thought I'd start with something Non-Controversial. Nobody likes them!. It doesn't matter what you do to them (including deep frying them Lynn!) they taste disgusting, and are best left as table decorations alongside the inevitable Pine Cones and Fake Snow.
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The Build -Up: Christmas starts on Christmas Eve!....NOT at the end of September. It's not much use going to our local Garden Centre at this time of year unless you want to plant a bloody Christmas tree or buy a Sleigh and 12 Reindeer!
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Gluhwein: Why on earth would you want to take a perfectly good bottle of red wine, add an orange and half the contents of the spice rack to it, then boil it so the alcohol evaporates!....It makes no sense!
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Glitter & Tinsel: What is wrong with those multi- coloured paper chains we used to make at school!. Glitter is indestructible...no really...the floors of all our oceans are now one inch deep in a mixture of glitter and the little plastic balls from facial scrubs. Only yesterday I picked up three specks of glitter from the carpet, probably left over from last year.
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Tipping the Binman / Waste Removal Operative: My kind- hearted wife wrapped a box of chocolates in Christmas Wrapping Paper and left it for them as a "Thank You"......They responded by parking the bins right outside the back gate so I walked into them in the dark!!.....What do they want...Money?. I'm not going to include the Postie in this rant....otherwise we probably wouldn't get post 'til New Year!
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Mistletoe: I think I'm still on firm ground here...who wants to get snogged by a stranger...Its just weird, and , in these days of sexual harassment charges it's risky too. Rosehill Farm is a Mistletoe-Free zone!.
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Wrapping Presents: This one may just be me!. I try, I really do....I can ride a bike and change a plug....but when I try and wrap a Christmas present it looks like a three year old did it. Definitely the paper's fault....
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Christmas Pudding: I suspect this may be more controversial...But I HATE Christmas Pudding....Dark. Heavy...Almost sinister....It's the last thing you want to eat after a big Dinner. The sprig of holly on top would be easier to digest...and I am not even going to mention the hidden sixpence ...which is also probably easier to digest! .....and then on top of it all setting fire to perfectly good Brandy....No, I'm sorry....It's just not right.
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"Do You Think we are going to have a White Christmas:?": Seems to be the only topic of conversation in the month leading up to Christmas. Let me settle the debate... The answer is NO!.....and I will make an educated guess that it actually be Dull, Overcast, Cold and with a high probability of Drizzle....Again!
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Turkey: I've left my most controversial choice until last. It's not that I don't like Turkey...it's OK...and that's the problem, it's just ok. For a special occasion I'd prefer something ....well, special. Roast Boars Head, Peacock, .....Penguin...anything but Turkey.
Well thats my Ten...I could go on ....Mince Pies (no mince) Paper Hats (Always too small), but I think I've probably upset enough people for this year. Please let me know if you think I've left anything important off the list!
